Lonely dancer
by crystal97
Summary: Her sister desired to dance. She did not. Her sister loved being kind. She did not. Her sister died. She did not. Now Lovina dances to forget the horrendous events of that night. she was left with more than one scar to lament. Her heart is Stone. Can she learn to love a Spanish boy sets his eyes on her and only desire her happiness when she believes she doesn't deserve it? Spamano
1. Chapter 1

Crystal: This came to me at 2am for some odd reason and I needed to get this plot down

Story name: Lonely Dancer

Rated: M for violence, cursing, rape, later lemons and romance. One character death many of you will dislike, but i'll make up for it

Pairings: Spainxfem!Romano, USfem!UK, Germanyxfem!Italy, Prussiaxfem!Canada

Summary: Her sister desired to dance. She did not. Her sister loved being kind. She did not. Her sister died. She did not. Now Lovina dances to forget the horrendous events of that night. For she was left with more than just one scar to lament. Her heart is close. Stone. Can she ever love a boy who desires to bring her joy when she believes that she doesn't deserve love. "Solitude is the forever heavy chains I deserve".

A tragic night

It was a special night for the Vargas twins Feliciana and Lovina. Today both of them would turn 17. They had both lost their parents at 6 and their grandfather who had been caring for them disappeared when they were 10. And ever since, Lovina, being more mature, worked off her childhood to make that Feliciana was fed and had a home. Lovina recieved out of compassion a job at a bakery where the kind Mrs. Turner and her husband taught her everything and paid her more than was necessary. Lovina was grateful to them and tried to waste the least amount possible to make sure to get enough money to rent an apartment.

At 13 she managed to get a 1 room apartment she and her sister have been sharing up to this day. The Turners had taken them as daughters, and even paid for them to attend school. They were just a year from graduating. Lovina had even been gifted by Mr. Turner a small car. So back to the present. Lovina passed a hand through her brunette locks sighing as her twin jumped around excitedly. Her messy auburn hair in a pony tail bouncing along like there was no tomorrow.

"Damn it, Feli, your bouncing around is getting me dizzy", Lovina groaned. Feliciana jumped onto a seat across the table from Lovina. "Aw I'm sorry, sorella, I got carried away with our little party thing we're going to have", Feliciana rambled. Lovina couldn't help, but smile at her excitement. Lovina went with a pair of jeans and a pink long sleeve shirt, but her sister wore her long sleeve green shirt with her best skirt. She looked cute. "So you still want to be a cook as your career in college?" Feliciana suddenly asked. "Oh, absolutely, but I think you should give up with the dancing", Lovina inquired

"Oh, I could never do that, Lovi. When I dance I feel like I forget about everything because I'm focused on making my moves swift and graceful. I've always dreamed of dancing balket", Feliciana sighed passionately. Lovina grinned. She would surely love her present of a pair of ballet shoes and dress she got her. "Feli, i'm going to go pick up the cake with Mrs. Turner", Lovina said standing up to get the car keys. "Lovi, I know we usually celebrate the two of us, but I invited my boyfriend Ludwig over and Gilbert too", Feliciana muttered.

Lovina hated the potato bastard her sister, but for this occasion she would give in to her sister. "Okay, but only a while", Lovina warned half heartedly. Feliciana beamed if more was possible. "Oh thank you Lovi. I love you".

~~xXXx~~

"Oh dear, has it really been 7 years?"

"Yes it has, Mrs. Turner", Lovina smiled as she was handed a box. "Lovi, what did I tell you about calling me that. Just call me Annie", Annie smiled. "How about, mom?" lovina smiled. Annie was taken aback and teared up. "Mom? You would really call me...mom?" She asked. "You have been a mother to me since I first walked into your shop and so has...father", Lovina grinned. Annie hugged her tightly handing her a white ballet dress and shoes. "Hug Feli for me child", Annie grinned.

Lovina nodded heading out towards her apartment. She took the elevator and admired the dress in her hand. 'She'll love it', Lovina thought to herself. Reaching her door she saw it was slightly open, but the lights were out. Lovina entered and touched the wall for the switch and upon feeling it switched in on. What she saw caused her to drop everything in her hands as it fell with a thud on the carpet. Lovina couldn't formulate words as she saw her sister a few feet away in a puddle of blood her lifeless eyes staring right at her.

Lovina let the tears flow, and just as she was about to run to her sister a hand clamped around her mouth and she felt a gun pointed at her head. She felt her captor close the door and lock it. "Get down", he ordered strictly as she dropped to her knees. The man got in front of her, but she couldn't see his face behind the mask only his eyes and mouth. "Damn, you're sexier than your sister", he chuckled placing his lips at her cheek and kissing down to her neck. Lovina whimpered. "Please, don't do this. I'm 17 you could get in big trouble for this", she muttered.

"You don't tell me what to do", he said angry and threw the gun to the side forcing Lovina on the floor. Lovina thrashed trying to pry off the man that was forcefully kissing and groping her breast and thighs. He slapped her harshly causing her to cry out. He took a knife from his pocket and used it to rip off her clothing. "Stop! Someone help!" she yelled. Her captor knew from that moment he had limited time and he inserted himself quickly. Lovina yelled in pain and cried loudly. He had gotten his way with her. He even threw the table cloth on her as she stayed limp on the floor crying waiting for him to leave. He heard him zip up his pants and lean down to kiss her cheek before leaving. "This is a lesson for your family to have never messed with the Italian Mafia", she had heard him say.

Lovina was horrified. Why on this day did her whole world just shatter. Her reason for her to continue living was gone. She let heavy tears fall as she sobbed. "Feliciana! FELICIANA! FELICIANA!" Lovina yelled looking at her sister as even a box lied right next to her wrapped with a bow. She painfully pulled herself up from the floor and she heard the door open. In fear, she went into a trance chanting crazily, "Please don't hurt me anymore! Don't hurt me!" She felt arms surround her. Looking up she saw it was Gilbert. His silver hair and ruby eyes were easily recognizable. She cared not as she hugged him back as if her life depended in him.

He carried her without hesitation bridal style. "HE KILLED HER! HE KILLED FELI!" Lovina sobbed. Lovina could feel as Gilbert's tears fall on her face. He was surely struggling to be bold. He carried Lovina out as Ludwig got to them. "What's going on?" Ludwig asked his blue eyes filled with concern. "Bruder... You have to be strong once you go in there for yourself", Gilbert explained sadly. Lovina had fainted from shock as Ludwig entered. "No...No...NOOO! FELICIANA!" He yelled as Gilbert expected.

Ludwig picked up Feliciana's body and clutched it against him as he too sobbed broken. "My angel...please wake up", Ludwig muttered

~~xXXx~~

Lovina woke up later to find herself in a hospital bed. "She's mostly fine just minor injuries and bruises, but unfortunately upon further examination I'm sorry to inform you that she was indeed raped", she heard a man say as she heard gasps of sadness coming from her 'adoptive parents'. "Mom? Dad?" Lovina muttered weakly. Annie ran to her side immediately while Jared, her adoptive dad was on the other side. "Oh, sweetheart how do you feel?" Annie asked hesitantly knowing full well she was not. "Feliciana...where is she?" She asked forgetting for that instant.

Annie diverted her eyes beginning to cry. "Honey, your sister unfortunately is passed away", Jared tried to trigger her memory in a gentle way. Lovina suddenly remembered, and began to cry again as she trashed causing the machine she was connected to to beat wildly. The doctor went into action injecting a sedative to calm her down. She began to lose her conscience and all she could think of was how miserable her life would be when she opened her eyes again

Lovina exited the hospital in the next two days as well as the Turners received Feliciana's body for her funeral. She looked so beautiful in her green dress almost as if she were just taking a quick nap. On the other hand she knew she looked miserable in her own black dress. Only friends and the Turners were present since they hadn't any other family. She felt a tap at her arm to find Ludwig looking down just as miserable as her. He hugged her and for once she hugged back knowing full well her sister would have wanted them to be friendly to each other in her funeral.

Madeline Williams, one of Lovina's best friends ran to Lovina hugging her tightly as she tried holding herself from breaking down. "I'm so sorry, Lovi", she whispered. Alfred, Madeline's twin, also hugged her. Alice Kirkland, her only other best friend came up to her as well as the father called their attention to the front. The casket was placed right before the dugged hole where it would be placed. Lovina just zoned out as if reality had just floated away. It wasn't until the casket had begun to descend into the ground that she tried throwing herself, but Alfred caught her.

"No! Please don't leave me, Feli! Feliciana!" Lovina cried. Right after the funeral two agents investigating her case came up. "We found this at the scene and maybe you'd like to have them", one of the said handing her Feliciana's ballet dress and shoes. He also handed her the box she remembered Feliciana had next to her. She thanked them kindly as she got onto her car. She opened the box quietly and she almost cried again. It was a chef hat and shirt. There was even a letter that said the following:

Dear Lovi,

Ve~? Are we really 17? It seems just like yesterday that you got this great apartment. Lovi I love you with all my heart. And I know how much you always said you wanted to be a cook so I got you a shirt and hat. I just wanted to let you know that even when the Turners have been like our parents, I always looked at you like a mother. It's a silly idea, ve~? Well anyways I can't wait until we turn 18 and graduate then you can become a cook and I can become a ballet dancer like I've always wanted to. Ti amo, sorella y buono cumpleano

Sincerely, Feli 3

P.S. I want lots of pasta :D

Lovina trembled as she finished the letter and spilled more tears. Her sister had lost her dream just when she was so close to making it cone true. It was unfair that she still had the chance. "But don't you worry, Feli, I'll make your dream come true", Lovina sniffed turning on her car. Lovina felt she didn't deserve anything. She didn't deserve to fufill her dream. She shouldn't have left her sister to die alone. She wasn't pure anymore. She didn't deserve live. She felt empty and she decided she would keep it that way.

Crystal: don't kill me. I know everyone loves Italy, but just be patient it's not the end if the story I bet you'll love and thank me later. I promise.


	2. New Start

Crystal: well I didn't like the idea of explaining the rape lol, but anyways let's get going with the story.

Note: I'm actually typing the chapters on my iPhone so bare with me for grammatical mistakes and such. It's hard to type on this device

Warning: Lovina aka Fem! Romano will be OOC in a sort of way, but will get normal in a future chapter of which I will tell you at the beginning.

New Start

Lovina had graduated a year after from her high school with a new career in mind. One she did not want, but felt she had the responsibility. She had taken a whole year of ballet classes after school and took dance classes during school. She received her diploma and was recognized as the valedictorian of her class with her friends not falling behind in the rankings and even being enrolled to the same university as her. If Feliciana had been there she would be going to Heta Uni instead of her. Heta Uni was a school for the most talented and not to mention those with an appreciation for arts. No cooking included.

She was received by the Turners with a great hug. Lovina had, unfortunately, days later, the burden of going to her apartment a last time to pack her things. She heard a knock at the side noticing it was Madeline and Alice coming in. "How are you holding up, Lovi?" Madeline asked. asked concerned. Lovina said nothing. "Lovina...I refuse to believe you suddenly took interest in dance. If you're doing this for Feli, let me tell you that you shouldn't. What happened that night wasn't your fault-" Alice began to say.

"It was!" Lovina suddenly yelled making the two blondes retract. "You two have no idea how much fault I have. I could have prevented it. I could have taken her with me for the cake. I could have hurried home. If I say I'm doing dance, that's it", Lovina reiterated bitterly. Alice sighed heavily pushing up her glasses. So Lovina did still have a heavy weight on her shoulders. From her sister's death to her suddenly surged phobia of being around any other man that wasn't Alfred, Gilbert, and Ludwig since she was raped.

"Lovina, do you think you'll be alright with being around with the other guys in that school?" Madeline quietly asked. Lovina paused midway from packing her jeans. "I'll be okay. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked knowing full well Alice would interject. "Lovina...you know you've developed a phobia being around other men", Alice said concerned. "Alice, don't scold me anymore. I'll be fine", Lovina assured. "I just worry", Alice sighed. "I know, but we can't hesitate", Lovina huffed closing her luggage.

They rode to the airport after taking a taxi to meet up with Alfred, Gilbert, and Ludwig. Lovina was getting a bit fidgety and nervously played with the sleeve of her shirt with so many guys around the airport. Gilbert noticed and sighed grabbing her hand. Lovina muttered a quiet thank you. Ever since that night, Lovina had also gotten an attachment to Gilbert. Maybe not romantically, but as her psychologist explained, Lovina viewed Gilbert as her savior after the incident, and was therefore completely comfortable being near him.

Madeline couldn't help, but be a tad jealous after she's been having a crush on Gilbert since middle school. "Hiya, Madds", Gilbert smiled at her. Madeline smiled, "Hey, Gil". Alfred literally almost dropped Alice on the floor when receiving her in a hug. Those two had their relationship going since they started middle school. 7 years is no joke, but they were a sight to see. "You git! I could of fallen", Alice said pouting. "I'm sorry, babe", Alfred chuckled taking the Brit girl in a kiss. And after conversing for a while they headed for the plane.

~~xXXx~~

They finally arrived to their location, and Lovina was relieved that she was given the opportunity to room with Alice and Madeline, but unfortunately they weren't to be around in her building. Madeline and Alice were in the music department. Madeline wanted to play the flute and Alice, the piano. "Hey, I think we should go out to eat. Alfred knows the place relatively well since he did the fly-in visit that other time", Alice suggested. After nodding in agreement they headed out. "Okay, so this place has everything from burgers to fish and Pasta. So our needs are met here", Alfred laughed.

Lovina rolled her eyes and walked to the restroom. Unfortunately, luck didn't seem to be her best friend as a hurried waitress pushed her. She would have had a nasty fall had someone not caught her. She felt as she was lifted up and turning around she saw it was a guy. And to her surprise she didn't feel anxious at all. He was grabbing her hands and could see concern in his eyes. He felt warm and comforting. He had a mop of chocolate brown curls and extrenely mesmerizing emerald eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Well I wouldn't be if you didn't catch me", she laughed.

They guy grinned and she was speechless at how beautiful his smile was. "Excuse me for my rudeness, I'm Antonio. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo", he greeted her shaking the hand he had been holding. "Lovina. Lovina Romana Vargas", Lovina herself greeted. "Well I hope to see you around", Antonio smiled. "Maybe and if your not a complete cazzo I will", Lovina said jokingly. "Italian? I knew it. You're just as beautiful as they say the women are", he smiled finding her joke funny.

He left and Lovina completely forgot about using the restroom as she returned to her table. Why hadn't she been anxious around him? She continued to wonder as they ate. She wanted to get to know him, but every time she remembered that she promised to be alone for the forgiveness of having let her sister die. She would push him away or he'd find her a burden as well.

~~xXXx~~

A few days later, classes had finally begun. Lovina got her strap bag around her shoulder throwing in her ballet shoes. As she headed down to the others. She had tied her hair a bun being very careful of her curl. As she headed down Gilbert was waiting for her. "Potato bastard...You don't have to take me" Lovina sighed. "Look, sister dearest, I can't not just worry", Gilbert smirked suggestively. Lovina glared and noticed Madeline coming down the steps. She pulled her forward towards Gilbert. "Madeline, Gilbert was nice enough to offer to take you to class. I got to go see you guys at lunch", Lovina called running off

The good thing was the dancing department was only a five minute walk away. Even so she ran, her anxiety beginning to get the best of her. She saw the red brick building and ran through it's doors. She sighed in relief as she saw the elevator empty. Her class was on the fifth floor. Her heart raced as it stopped ob the third floor. 'Mio dio, let it not be any guy that is a stranger' Lovina prayed. As the doors opened she was filled with both relief and guilt. It was Antonio.

She eased a bit, but still felt a sort of pain that she'd have to push him away because of her dark secrets.

"Lovina! Que sorpresa!" Antonio greeted with that great beautiful smile of his. "That means 'what a great surprise?" Lovina asked. She had taken a few Spanish courses in high school. Antonio nodded pleased. "So you're a freshman I suppose in the dancing department?" Antonio asked after awkward silence. "Uh, yeah you could say that", Lovina muttered hesitantly trying to avoid a long i'll-probably-get-attached-to-you conversation. The fifth floor came Lovina skipping out into a run for the dance room as the other dancers that were fortunately girls swarmed in after her. It was a huge dance room with mirrors on at least 3 walls with a wooden stand attached to them for when they were to practice.

The floor was a shiny light brown and slick enough for their dancing. "Okay, girls, the restroom is just to your left for you too change into your dancing clothes. Be here in three minutes for a quick introduction to each other", a women with long brown locks and soft green eyes smiled to them excitedly. Lovina was the first to jump in to change. She placed on a long sleeve sill black shirt with white leggings and a pink layered skirt. She took out her white ballet shoes sighing.

'Feliciana should have been wearing these', Lovina thought to herself. She shook the thought away obviously not wanting to remember her for the moment. Feliciana had been right when she said dancing made you forget. Lovina was always struggling to get the moves right that she thought of nothing else. She tied the ribbons around her legs before going to site back down. The teacher finally turned to them a wide smile still plastered on her lips. "Hello everyone, I'm your instructor Elizabetha Hedervary. As this is a universally country wise diverse school I will tell you that I am from Hungary. Now we'll do the same to introduce each of you", Ms. Hedervary smiled.

The first to go was a smug looking blonde. She had her blonde hair a bit past her shoulders and had a green headband with her bangs short above her eyes. She stood up with a swift moment, walking to the front. "Hi, my name is Bella, and I'm from Belgium, but I'm positive most of you already know that. I'm a sophomore", she smiled, but seemed to add a venomous tone to her words and her green eyes looked towards Lovina with a menacing gleam. The second was a small fragile looking girl that unlike the first blonde looked as sweet as honey same colored hair and eyes. "Hi, my name is Lily. I am a freshman and I come from Liechtenstein", she muttered in a tiny voice.

The next girl was a a silver haired girl with a stoic expression. "I'm Natalia Bravingsky. I'm from Belarus. I'm a Junior", she said clearly annoyed. After a few other girls stood, it was finally Lovina's turn. "Hi, my name's Lovina Romana Vargas and I was born in Italy, but have been living in America quite a while. I'm a freshman", she said feeling the glare coming from Bella. Elizabetha clapped as she rounded the girl to line to the bars and begin practice. Lovina looked to see the teacher reviewing student files and then their eyes met.

She looked at Lovina deeply as if examining her. She looked to her papers as Lovina diverted her eyes quickly as she completed fifth position. They all sat once more cross legged. "As you all know you got in here for you extraordinary talent and since this is no beginner class we will start with each performing a freestyle of my classic favorites. In this class, one of you will be picked at the end of the first year to make it big as a professional dancer while being instructed by only the best instructors while the rest of you have to complete your training of the four years to be part of the regular dancers", she said glancing with a suspicious smile at all of them.

"Bella, my dear you get Canon", Elizabetha said sitting on the floor clipboard and pen at hand. Bella grinned standing in the middle waiting lazily for the song. A knock was heard and to Lovina's surprise Antonio walked in. " , I'm here for the piano playing", he said cheerfully. He hadn't noticed Lovina as Elizabetha grinned and nodded to him. He sat down near the piano at the far right of the room and after being told to play Canon, he got to his job moving his fingers delicately over the keys.

Bella was an extraordinary dancer, but Lovina could notice quite the few flaws in her dancing. Her elbows were folded whenever doing a attitude. The were to be curved not folded. Her pointe needed a bit more work, and her face expression would falter in pain signaling that she was doing something wrong. With the rest, they needed more of help with the positions and tendu movements. "Lovina, you get Moonlight Sonata", Elizabetha smiled. The girls seemed to notice Lovina falter in the song choice, but it just reminded her of Feli when she would practice in her room.

That song played the whole time. She felt a gaze and stood noticing Antonio's eyes looking at her with delighted surprise, but he must have seen her hesitation because she also saw concern. She got in the middle in her first position as Antonio began to play. She felt in a trance as the somber melody began to reach her ears. She got on pointe and began with a simple bourree in her fifth position. Her body radiated sadness with each step she did. Raising her arms and leg, she leaned forward with such a sad expression that completely permeated the room. They all seemed in awe at the graceful dancing.

Lovina continued doing slow pirouettes, closing her eyes as she did. Antonio was mesmerized if not completely taken at how amazing she danced, but also taken on how much pain her dancing conveyed to him. She ran to do a leap and let herself fall to the floor moving her arms up again and leaning back as she stood and just as the melody was towards it's ending she finished in fifth position with her head to the right facing up. No one said anything, but clearly some of the girls were in tears even Elizabetha.

They all clapped as Lovina looked up having completely forgotten where she was. Tears threatened to spill her eyes. She looked away blinking them away. She ran out no further words from the room. The tears flowed out, and she felt a hand grasp her wrist and then arms wrapping around her. "Lovina", Antonio muttered. "Antonio, let me go", she muttered weakly, but did not really want him to let go. She couldn't hold back the knot in her throat as a sob escaped her lips. "Lovina...What's wrong?" Antonio muttered genuinely concerned. Lovina seem to come to a moment of realization of being in his arms and pushed Antonio back.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Antonio", she yelled running off. Antonio held Lovina's bag in his hands as she had left it behind, but something dropped out of it. He picked it up noticing it was a picture of a girl that looked exactly like Lovina, but she was smiling much wider and her expression was soft. 'Who is she?' He thought to himself. All he could wonder then was if the girl with the soft look could have anything to do with why Lovina ran out. "Please, let me get close to you", he muttered defeated.


End file.
